The thing came hurtling from space and crashed into the building, engulfing it in flames. Dachshund could hear the agonizing cries of the people inside as they slowly burned to death.
"We have to do something!" Dachshund cried to his men. "We have to put out the fire!"
"But how?" Shundach asked. "We can't afford to waste the water."
"But we can't let those people die!"
"If we save them, we won't have enough water to last us through the drought. The needs of the many-"
"Outweigh the needs of the few, I know..."
Dachshund stared out to the object that crashed. Was it one of those planes he heard of? He hadn't seen one in over thirty years.
"Do you guys know what that is?" he asked. "Are there any people or supplies inside it?"
"It looks like a saucer," Ellis asked as she scratched behind her ears. "I think we shouldn't go near it until we know that it's safe."
Dachshund listened to the agonizing cried of the people in the building. He sighed to them and said, "We could risk wasting the water and try to save the object. Should we try it?"
Love the dailogu. You need to develop mood first, and introduce the reader to the protagonist. This reads more like a script! :)
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I love your idea on this cue. My suggestion is to use more of a paragraph format. Like Ms. C said in her comment, this reads more like a script. Introduce the characters more. If you need an example you can look at mine, not to sound boastful or anything. Also, make sure to check your spelling. There were a few errors. Maybe also increase the length of your cue. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your piece.
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