Audience: Females, ages 8-14
The Chronicles of Alison
Alison wiped sweat from her brow, a sense of satisfaction on her mind. She had just finished washing the floors, dishes and windows, leaving her with the lone task of walking her two wonderful dogs, Sam and Shyla. She could tell they really wanted to go outside.
Shyla barked happily as Alison took out her leesh. Shyla decided to jump at her "mommy," pressing her paws against Alison's pink pymana bottoms, which matched her pink-and-white-striped top from Lululemon.
"Calm down, Shyla!" Alison said to the dog in an exhausted voice.
Shyla jumped in surprise before tripping over her paws and gently slipping against the clean floor. Alison gasped and quickly tended to the dog.
"You act like those dogs on The Dog Whisperer," Alison said to her softly. "Speaking of which... You better hurry up and do your business before Animal Rescue comes on the television."
The doorknob rattled. Sam jumped out of his bed and started barking furiously. Alison watched as the door opened to reveal her fiancee.
"Hi, Scotty!" Alison said happily.
"Hi, honey!" Scotty responded. He gave Sam a hug before going over to Alison. He said, "Ready for the concert?"
"What concert?" Alison asked.
"Don't you remember? We're going to see Ozzy Osbourn."
Alison's eyes lit up like lanturns. She was so happy that she started to cry.
End.
Audience: Females, ages 6-9
The Darings of Diedre
Diedre pressed herself against the door mischeviously, taking glee in locking her older brother out of the apartment. She then took off her Scooby-Doo jacket and Scooby-Doo shoes before cuddling up on she couch to watch a Scooby-Doo DVD.
"Let my, in, Diedre, or else I'm taking you back to your mom's house!" her brother said as he pounded his fist against the door.
Diedre was about to open the door when she saw Jessica the cat. She picked the poor cat hug and started to squeeze, much to the poor thing's displeasure.
"Let Jessica go!"her brother said.
Diedre sighed, put Jessica down and let her brother in. "Promise you won't tell?" she asked him sadly.
"I don't know," her brother said with a sly voice. "Depends if you'll make me a sandwich."
"Alright," Diedre said with a sigh. She headed into the kitchen, thinking that she could have been in much more serious trouble had her brother been meaner.
End.
Audience: Females, ages 16-25
Jenny looked at the flying squirrel in her cage. She sugar glider looked at her with indifference.
"What's wrong, honey?" Jenny's husband asked her.
"She seems a little...off?" Jenny responded.
"Off?"
"When I came back from work, she was just laying down in her cage. Usually she's all...squirrely."
"Squirrely?"
"Uh-huh? I'm thinking of going to the store and getting her a friend."
"Sounds great! Can I name it?"
"Of course!"
The squirrel started to nibble gently at Jenny's finger, which was close to the cage.
"She seems to like the idea!" Jenny giggled. "I bet she'd like to play later, too."
"With her new friend," her husband responded. "As long as she doesn't climb into my shoe like Crackers did."
"That was pretty funny, wasn't it I miss crackers..."
"Yeah, if only crabs with those sharp claws lived forever. Ouch."
"Great idea! I think we should get another crab?"
"Seriously?"
The squirrel rolled over and climbed into her nest, taking a nap.
"I'm so glad we got her," Jenny and her husband said.
It's short....I think you should add more detail and maybe put it in seperate posts? And don't forget the purpose, I get the snippets of people's lives are shown but there is/ isn't a message, whatever you intended it to be. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Jonathan, I think you need to develop the stories a bit more. You didn't talk much about hobbies and personal lives. You need to write the purpose as well.
ReplyDeleteJohnathan I have to agree with Lola and Dora. I do get a little bit of their lives, but not enough I think. Try and add I bit more detail. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd on the 2nd 'part' you wrote "Let my in.." Just change that to a 'me'.
It's good and somewhat interesting, but I think you should develop it some more. :)
ReplyDeleteThese are interesting glimpses into three characters, however this does not follow the specifications of the assignment which was to observe strangers.
ReplyDeleteThis cannot be gleaned from an observation of a stranger:
"Alison wiped sweat from her brow, a sense of satisfaction on her mind. She had just finished washing the floors, dishes and windows, leaving her with the lone task of walking her two wonderful dogs, Sam and Shyla. She could tell they really wanted to go outside."