Trivial News: Wednesday

Audience: Males, Females 8-14

Dog Eats Food

27 Labrador Road, Toronto: On Wednesday, local shiba inu dog Weenee ate her dog food.

   On Wednesday at 5:15 PM, Weenee was reported to have gone to her bowl of food, which had been placed on the floor by her owners. She sniffed the food before eating it.

Pictured: Weenee after she had eaten her food. She went outside to "do her business" shortly afterwards. Credit: Google Images

  Weenee shocked her owners when she ate her food. She chewed her Bacon Yumms before swallowing.

 "It's quite a neat trick," says her owner, Bob Barker, canine expert. "She's very talented. She does this trick whenever she can get her paws on food."

 "Dogs need to eat n order to live," claims biologist and shoe-putting-on expert Dr. Dach Shund. "If dogs do not eat, they would be hungry. Not eating would result in them starving."

Trivial News: Tuesday

Audience: Boys 12-16

Boy Messes Up On Test

East York Institute: On Tuesday, high school student Lenny Portamakinski got a question wrong on his history test, earning him a 98%.

 "I'm so shocked," says Daniel Pleasant, expert on cheating. He had been cheating off on Portamakinski. "I was cheating off of him and I got that question wrong. Because of him, I didn't get perfect on that test."

 Portamakinski answered the 18th question of his test with 1914. The correct answer was 1912, two years off the date he put in. The test was out of 20.

 This shocking behavior seems to be spreading: several students have put in wrong answers on their tests. Fellow classmates of Portamakinski who have gotten wrong answers include Mary-Sue Pleasant with 94%, Circe Beaker with 87%, and Dach Shund with 67%. The lowest mark in the class 55%.

 "Lenny's wrong mark seems to have left a bad impression on our class!" says child psychologist Dr. Papil Lion. "Imagine: students not getting perfect marks on tests!"

 "Who has ever heard of someone not getting a perfect mark on a test?" asks Dr. Hubgerber, so-called expert on UFO's, being homeless and "people-ology."

 Portamakinski has refused to comment on his mark, other than that he forgot the right answer to the question. He guessed the answer he put in.

Trivial News: Monday

Audience: Girls, 9-16

Ballerina Puts On Shoe

Blackberry Ballet Studio, Toronto: On Monday, ballerina Isadora Duncan put her dance slippers on in a spectacular fashion so she could dance.

  "I've never seen anything like it!" claims local shoe-putting-on expert Dr. Dach. "She put her foot in one slipper with such confidence and speed! Her foot didn't miss the slipper one bit!"

  Duncan was preparing for a dance. She had already put on her other dancing clothes and only needed to put on her slippers. Only then would she be ready for her recital for the king of Scandinavia.

  "Her motions were so fluid," says other shoe-putting-on expert Dr. Shund. "She was aware of the time she had and put her slippers on in swift motions: not too fast, but not too slow. It was like watching an expert of shoe-putting-on putting their shoes on. Obviously, she has been putting on shoes for years."

  "The slippers were a great help for Isadora," says shoe expert Germaine Sheppard, who was on the scene when Duncan slipped and stabbed her leg on a prop during her solo. "When she slipped and hit a sharp decoration, the slippers helped to absorb a lot of the blood. You see, the wool material they were made of helped soak up the blood so it wouldn't stain the stage. Isadora was right to put on those slippers."

   Duncan first put on her left slipper, gently sliding them on with both of her hands. Fellow dancers claim that she then used both hands to put her other slipper on her right foot.

Newpaper Club (Do not comment)

Life As We Know It

By: Jonathan Cabral Rocha

Last Tuesday, I went to see a movie with my friend. We heard good reviews about the movie, and waited excitedly to watch it.

But that movie was sold out, so we watched Life As We Know It instead.

The movie stars Holly Berenson (Katherine Heigl) and Eric Messer (Josh Duhamel) , two people who are not only opposites, but hate each other due to getting off at a bad start. Their friends Peter and Alison however, decide to make both of them the godparents of their daughter. Meaning that if they were to die, one or both of them would have to take in the child.

Peter and Alison die pretty quickly, of course.

So Holly and Eric decide to live together and raise the baby. The movie is pretty bland, but it has its funny moments. While the story is not at all original (and in fact very predictable), it really gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling.

Cute, worth a few chuckles and accurate in the portrayal or parenthood, this movie is worth a look.

                                                                                            Rating: 3.2/4